Your husband doesn’t have to earn your respect

Disrespect of all types is unacceptable. Why would one subject the person you choose to partner with for the rest of your life to this I will never understand.

The Matt Walsh Blog

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I can’t tell you where I was or who was there or when it happened. I don’t want to add to this guy’s humiliation, so I am keeping this vague and generic. I can simply tell you that, some time ago, I found myself in the same vicinity as another married couple.

I certainly can’t read their minds, and I don’t know what goes on behind the scenes, all I know is that the husband couldn’t seem to utter a single phrase that wouldn’t provoke exaggerated eye-rolling from his wife.

She disagreed with everything he said.

She contradicted nearly every statement.

She even nagged him.

She brought up a “funny” story that made him out to be incompetent and foolish. He laughed, but he was embarrassed.

She was gutting him right in front of us. Emasculating him. Neutering him. Damaging him.

It was excruciating.

It was tragic.

It also was, or…

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Post steroid self

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Due to ongoing health issues I have been on steroids for about two years. I am in the process of weaning off of them and coming off the steroids is doing wonders for my self esteem. I may not feel pretty commonplace, but I feel like I am looking closer to pretty commonplace than I have in almost a decade. I am actually doing fancy things like my nails, and my hair. I spoiled my skin with a mask last night.

So what has changed? The steroids had left me with a “moon face” and “buffalo hump”. These are basically fat deposits on the face, and mid upper back. My features are sharper again. My clothes fitting better (although this may have had something to do with my recent closet declutter as well).

I am not cringing and hiding from mirrors any more. I might even hang a full length one. This my friends, is progress.

18 Things We Should Have Been Taught As Teenagers

Oh how I wish this had been shared with me around the age of 12.

Thought Catalog

1. Hard work will not always equate to success. You can put up a good fight and still lose. There are just some things that, for whatever reason, we have to carry with us.

2. There will probably come a day when you want to study something that has (seemingly) no future benefit. Study it anyway. There will probably come a day when you want to be with someone who you know won’t last forever. Love them anyway. There will probably come a day when you want to leave something, or someone, and instead of looking for a reason, you should let that wanting be enough. Go anyway.

3. You shouldn’t ever assume to know the truth about someone. Addiction doesn’t always look like a drug-addled homeless person on the street, mental illness isn’t always apparent, pain does not always read across a person’s demeanor. Don’t judge people on the…

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What is my style?

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Over the years I have really struggled with settling on a style. I naturally lean toward eclectic, but that often leads me to spending money on lots of individual items that I like, but no outfits that look good together. I think this has been one of the things that has held me back for so long with my decluttering.

I really did LOVE that one funky skirt. It fit, and was in decent condition. However I had NOTHING to wear with it. So it sat in my closet, waiting for me to find the rest of the outfit to purchase. For 3 years. Three years of me looking at it wondering why I spent the money. Three years of it getting knocked down in my overstuffed closet, and going through the wash even though I had not worn it, but found it buried in a pile of shoes. Three years seriously considering throwing good money after bad to make one outfit – which could not have been worn with anything else. Now luckily in this case at least it was a thrift store find, so I was out less than $5 for my poor choice. Now it has been donated and can be someone else’s poor choice. Or maybe they have already found their style and it fits with their wardrobe.

After going through and donating everything that did not fit  and tossing everything that was damaged I looked at what remained. 90% of it I really liked. 80% of it formed outfits. There were a few outliers, like that funky skirt, that I just finally gave up on, but mostly what was left gave me a good picture of the style I am most comfortable in.

In that serendipitous way of the internet and the universe, during this process I came across a style quiz from Julep which was kind enough to label me as Classic with a Twist which I think labels what my closet showed me rather nicely.

This post contains referral links. 

Decluttering is not always hell.

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Decluttering is usually hell for me. This round has been significantly less so for me. I am not sure that is because of better living through pharmacology or my genuine growth as a human being. Either way hooray for letting go of things that don’t fit, are too worn out to be worn in public or that I really just do not like, and have not for long enough that it is just stupid to hold on to.

I have emptied my closet completely. I am still sorting through much of it, but between my discards and that from the kids I am up to twelve bags full to donate.

The best part of all though is that because of this little project I have been doing laundry like mad so that I know what I can afford to get rid of. I am almost totally caught up on Mt. Washmore! It is a Polar Vortex miracle.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

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Part of the progress I have made over the years is to stop and evaluate if something is real or a story I am telling myself.

Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

storyI am always at a loss to know how much to believe of my own stories ~ WASHINGTON IRVING

I stumbled upon this quote today and it really struck a chord with me. But first I had to look up who Washington Irving was. Turns out he was a 19th century American author, essayist and historian. I don’t think I had ever heard of him before now – although as I discovered I did know two of his best-known stories The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle.

Back to Irving’s quote; and the question that it triggered in my mind is how much should we believe the stories we tell ourselves? For don’t we all tell ourselves stories which define who we are? We are the daughter of X, the sister of Y, the mother of Z and so forth. What do you do, people ask us. I work…

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In defense of flat surfaces

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I have a pile problem. My husband is loath to let me get a new table, because he knows it will not take me but a day or two to cover it with stuff. Really though this goes for the floor too. Not hoarder level mind you, not even close. Just enough to make everything look overwhelmed and cluttered.

My closet is a perpetual catch-all for things I don’t want to deal with. It is a small walk in, that holds surprisingly more than one might think. Once many years ago I lost a toilet (from a remodel) in there. I wish I was joking.

Tonight before the obligatory new year count down I started to tackle the closet. This is a lot harder for me than I may be able to express. When I am not doing well just thinking about it can lead to a full anxiety attack. Today however was a good day, so I took advantage of it. I grab a bunch of garbage bags, and promised to ruthlessly donate all the clothes that do not fit or that I only like enough to wear when I need to do laundry. This unfortunately contributes to the piles of dirty clothes in the laundry room and the piles of clean laundry waiting to be put away. Sense a theme?

So far I have collected two and a half bags of clothes. I have purged all wire hangers, and organized the rest of the mismatched hangers that I came across. I kept going until the family needed my attention more than the closet did. Hopefully I will have another day soon that is good for me to keep working on it. For today, I made progress.

Food Trends for 2014

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Having been confounded by many of the food trends of the recent past, I enjoyed this post a lot. Especially since if I don’t enjoy it I don’t eat it (sorry Bacon!)

skinny girls & mayonnaise

Looking back on the fickle food winds of the past year, while such red hot trends from years past as organ meats, food trucks, bacon confections, pop-up restaurants, red velvet cake/cupcake/ice cream, gold leaf on food, foam and so forth begin their long and inevitable slide into cliché, I wonder what will become trendy in the coming year.

Here are some of my predictions:

• 70s/80s Food
The music is back, so why not the food? We’ve seen the comfort foods of the 50s and 60s — fried chicken, mac and cheese, meatloaf — get their glowing due in the contemporary foodie renaissance. So isn’t it time for the return of the sun-dried tomato and the re-introduction of radicchio? Quiche and blackened catfish, anyone?

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Here comes the sun

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There is something about this time of year. In the darkest of days when I am waiting for the sun. As I daydream of sitting outdoors at a cafe, feeling the breeze against my skin, the sun shining on the people I am watching, while I sip a cup of tea, I can’t help but wonder why not. Nothing about this daydream of mine is impossible. Not even with my health. I have been letting so much slide, so much of what I really want and enjoy slide. The reasons I can not do all the things I want are very real. But today, knowing the days are getting longer, brighter again, I am instead focusing on all the small things, the simple wants and joys like this, that I have been letting slide, in the torrent of all the rest of things I can’t do.

I am not sure yet where I am going with this. Like most things, I put blogging on hold because I could not give it the daily attention I thought it needed. But if I let go of the expectation, if I just let myself post for the simple enjoyment of it, when I feel like it, isn’t that what it is really here for? If you enjoy it too, all the better of course.

I gave into this wild selfishness today. I did my nails. I was not going anywhere. I did not have company coming over. I did it just because I enjoy looking at my hands and seeing it. For some of you this might be a DUH moment. I am so great at playing the martyr. For my family, friends, heck, even myself. But not for my joy.

What simple things bring you pleasure?

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